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According to area teenager Emily Falk, her mother keeps butter in a special refrigerator compartment as though it were a minor deity.
“It could totally be on a shelf with the rest of the food,” said Falk, as her mother gingerly lifted the butter back into its resting place as one would lift a graven idol of the cow god Baal. “But instead it’s got its own little shelf, and nothing else is allowed to go there. And when I forget, Mom gets really weird about it.”
Falk’s mother also demands that the butter compartment’s little door always be shut, in the same manner that one would draw back the curtain on the temple of Enlil, god of wind and storm.
“The weirdest part is that the people who made the refrigerator seem on board with this,” said Falk, pointing to the special compartment wherein butter sits like the Delphic Oracle in the cave at Omphalos. “The compartment is labeled ‘butter.’ Am I missing something? Is it just so you always know where your butter is?”
At press time, Falk’s mother was organizing the spice drawer like it was the Library of Alexandria.
