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Sources confirm that a recent CAPS therapist has recommended a local Brown student reattempt using a higher window.
“It’s a metaphor,” said Dr. Hannah Morris, seated in front of a suspiciously empty weekly schedule. “A lot of students set their expectations far too low. Think window height… Now imagine a fourth-floor window. That’s the kind of height I’m encouraging. This is metaphorically speaking, of course.”
“It just seems weird,” said Jacob Hill ’28, who left his most recent session after Dr. Morris pulled out a laminated campus map with buildings like the SciLi and Page-Robinson aggressively circled in red. “She said the Barus and Holley ones were surrounded by too much undergrowth and suggested something with more concrete foundations.”
At press time, the football coach was reportedly encouraging the team to retry the drill with more skull impact.
