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The Brown Noser

CIA Agent Demoted From Fieldwork To Teaching IR At Brown

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

Sources reported Thursday that CIA agent Thomas Krinze was demoted from fieldwork to teaching International Relations at the Watson Institute.

“I feel like such a fuckup,” Krinze lamented, flipping through his Agency-issued preparatory materials on lecturing on world affairs as an intelligence plant. “One day you’re working your normal post in the Andean countryside, and then one little shipment of arms to US-sponsored paramilitary forces falls through — and they send you to teach fucking undergrads about why NATO is good and China is gonna take over the world. It’s bullshit!”

“Don’t get me wrong, I know recruitment in the elite colleges is huge and IR classes are like shooting fish in a barrel,” Krinze continued, closing his assignment file which was embossed with the Political Theory Project logo. “And a lot of agents would kill for a teaching job like this because they set you up with an academic career on top of your intelligence one. But it stings a little bit as a senior agent to get kicked off of a fun field detail and sent to do grunt work at Brown of all places."

While disappointed with his demotion, Krinze has reportedly been glad to see many of his colleagues from the agency working here at Brown.

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