As the COVID-19 Delta variant leads to a spike in coronavirus-related hospitalizations and deaths, senior Connor McArthur’s request to take another leave of absence has turned his graduation plan into a complex polynomial equation. “The Advising Office plugged my new leave request information into Desmos and the graph they got looked super fucked up,” said McArthur, scratching his head as he tried to wrap his head around his revised graduation date. “I know it’s not ideal, but who cares? Plenty of people are (13a+2x/b)ers.” At press time, the equation describing McArthur’s graduation plan was both discontinuous and non-differentiable.

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