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Known across campus for his unparalleled and undeniably badass ways, sophomore badass Randy Mitchell acted like a total badass last night by stealing a random street sign that only a badass could steal.
“Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit,” reported Diman House resident Jeffrey Montalvo, stunned by Mitchell’s most recent display of badassery. “Randy just totally stole that ‘No Parking’ sign right off the street and put it in his dorm room! He’s so badass for that.”
According to multiple sources, as far as campus badasses go, Mitchell is the baddest ass of the badasses, as demonstrated by his badass sign stealing stunt last night.
“You don’t understand. It was just on the street and then he picked up and walked away with it,” added Montalvo, almost struck speechless by Mitchell’s badass ways. “It was just so badass. One day, I hope to be half the badass that he is.”
At press time, Mitchell reportedly exceeded his previous feats of badassery by smacking down an exit sign in his dorm’s hallway, proving that not only is he the greatest badass of the year, but actually, the greatest badass of all time.
