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A campus-wide email this week announced that COVID case levels on campus have stabilized at Who the hell knows.
“We continue to be grateful for the continued vigilance of the Brown community,” wrote Provost Richard Locke. “Thanks to your efforts, case levels have dropped from Fuck if I have any idea to Maybe like 80 does that sound right, all the way to our current COVID level, Who the hell knows. This is real progress.”
Locke’s email emphasized the importance of public health measures like wearing a mask indoors, taking two weekly antigen tests, and sort of guessing whether people have COVID.
“Doubtless, this positive trend is already noticeable to the Brown community,” wrote Locke. “Two weeks ago, maybe your whole a cappella group was quarantining, and this week, you just thought to yourself, ‘Hey, Sarah’s roommate was exposed, I should probably get tested at some point.’ Like, the vibes are super different. I think.”
At press time, students who did not log their two weekly COVID tests were threatened with a disciplinary Hey just please do it okay?
