During his recent oration “On The Genesis of Christ,” the pope unveiled his groundbreaking theory of “Exaltation,” a new hypothesis that the Catholic Church promises will help their dwindling numbers of supporters reestablish their faith.
Pope Benedict XVI explained the doctrine of the “Revival of the Most Sinless,” which postulates that “the God-fearing Father shall bestow upon the Son a higher probability of fear in God.”
The oration was met with skepticism from the scientific community, which noted that the similar “Theory of Evolution” was theorized two hundred years ago by Charles Darwin.
The Catholic Church has not responded to skeptics but has declared that “Exaltation” will help both non-believers and modern believers reestablish their faith in the church by understanding themselves and all life under an unprecedented religious light.
“From generation to generation,” said the pope, raising his arms into the air from the papal balcony, “the holiest traits shall come to pass by a process of Natural Salvation.”
When asked from where he drew the inspiration, the pope said God delivered the idea to him while he was perfecting a new sacred rite to cleanse pregnant women of unwanted conception.