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The Brown Noser

Chameleons Could Be Very Common, Scientists Suggest

Published Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

According to a report released last week, chameleons could actually be very common. “I mean think about it,” said lead author Kirk Pickle. “Those fuckers can turn any color in like a second and they blend right in! You put one on a table—bam!—table-colored. Pretty creepy. So it’s totally possible that there are millions—maybe tens of millions—more than we thought. It’s just a possibility that we have to consider. We can’t rule it out.”

Though formerly believed to live mainly in desert and rain forest conditions in Africa and parts of Asia, chameleons are now believed to live in all climates and countries around the world, maybe.

The study recommends checking for chameleons before you sit, feeling your food before you eat, and standing very, very still at all times.

“We are not confirming the existence of millions of chameleons, everywhere, all over. But we are not not confirming it,” Pickle added, winking, pausing, and finally shuddering.

The study also suggested that chameleons could be disappearing at very fast rates, also acknowledging the possibility that chameleons are either already extinct or entirely fictional.

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