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The Brown Noser

Chancellor Mencoff Slips In Bullet Point About Paxson’s Dreamy Eyes In Rambling Email Announcing Term Extension

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

In an lengthy email to the entire student body this morning regarding Christina Paxson’s recent term extension, University Chancellor Samuel M. Mencoff snuck in a bullet point about Paxson’s dreamy eyes. “Paxson has both engaged and encouraged the academic community at Brown by peering at us during convocations, faculty luncheons, and other events with those striking, calm, chocolate gumdrops,” Mencoff gushed in the email, in between a bullet point praising Paxson’s sustainability efforts and alumni engagement, unaware that he had typed it and not just thought it like he does every day. “She has guided and improved the University through a trying time for higher education, keeping Brown’s promise alive just as her stunning gaze has kept my heart alive for all these years.” At press time, Mencoff returned to administrative obscurity.

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