Tuesday, April 25, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Child With New Library Card On Massive Power Trip

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Sources report that local eight-year old Dora Perriman is letting the power of her new library card get to her head. “I was helping her pick out books, and suggested she try ‘Charlotte’s Web,’ but she insisted on going straight to ‘Infinite Jest,’" said librarian Ralph Carruthers, scrolling through Perriman’s checkout history, which included a great deal of James Joyce. “I even saw her shushing another patron who was talking above the 20 decibel sound limit. She’s acting like she owns the place, but she doesn’t even pay taxes yet.” At press time, Perriman was seen curled up in the library’s reading nook, flipping through neoclassical Greek literature and nodding as if she understood.

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