According to eyewitnesses, sophomore Ernest Monray’s childhood bed has been completely annexed by decorative pillows. “I got home to discover that my old bed was completely overrun with these ornamental throw pillows,” Monray explained, grappling with the disturbing reality that his longtime bed had been conquered by an army of silk-brocaded cushions. “It was pretty upsetting, and honestly a poignant reminder that things are different now that I’m in college.” At press time, a menacing squadron of porcelain dolls awaited his next return.

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