Partly Cloudy, 64°
After enduring an entire night of your dorm room debauchery, Boo Boo, the childhood teddy bear you brought to college, can’t even look you in the eyes.
“I’m sick to my stuffing,” said Boo Boo, who just needs some privacy and space during this difficult time. “I don’t even know who you are anymore! What happened to the little kid who was too afraid to go anywhere without me by their side? Or the little kid who thought there was a monster under the bed? These days, I only know of one monster, and it’s you!”
Well aware that the first year of college can be challenging, Boo Boo expected to provide you with boundless comfort and support as you navigated independent living for the very first time. However, he didn’t expect to witness your rapid descent into degeneracy.
“Don’t even try to snuggle with me tonight,” said Boo Boo, still reeling from the unspeakable acts he watched you commit for the sake of “college experimentation.” “I don’t even care if you have that recurring nightmare! You should’ve thought about the consequences of your actions before subjecting me to everything that went down last night.”
At press time, your childhood American Girl Doll would be absolutely appalled if she saw the outfit you’re wearing to the party tonight.
