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Multiple sources have reported that President Christina Paxson is telling everyone that she “discovered” Dr. Ashish Jha.
“When I first found Ashish, he was a struggling public health professional,” stated Paxson to an uncomfortable donor touring the university. “He was just a professor at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, moonlighting as the leader of the Harvard Global Health Institute. A real nobody.”
“Ashish and I go way, way back to 2020 when I hired him. Without me as his righthand woman, he would still be at that old dead-end job. I got Ashish his first spot on MSNBC, and now, he’s New York Times Op-Ed material.”
“Just look at Ashish now. He’s the darling of the COVID pundits. If I hadn’t found him and given him that cushy dean gig at the School of Public Health, he’d just be another pretty face in the crowd,” explained Paxson to her secretary as they tried to usher her into her next meeting. “Not to mention Dr. Megan Ranney, another rising cable-news star. I mean, I know talent when I see it. Stick with me, Jha, baby, and you’ll go far.”
At press time, President Paxson was busy scouting the next Brown dean ready for their big break.
