Partly Cloudy, 64°
Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. You’re telling me that the man that just walked in, the one sitting at table nine, is two-time Academy Award-winning actor Christoph Waltz? He’s famous… And now he’s in my restaurant!?!
I can’t believe it! Christoph Waltz from “Django Unchained” eating my food, sitting in one of the chairs I picked out! I’m gonna faint. Somebody check my pulse. Everything needs to be perfect!
What are you waiting for?! Christoph Waltz can’t be left alone. Bring him bread and butter! Send him a bottle of ’98 Batali-Bastianich on the house! This is no ordinary patron; this is the man that got a nod at the Golden Globes for his role in “Big Eyes” alongside Amy Adams!
I don’t give a damn how many others are waiting! Let them starve for all I care! Christoph is our top priority right now. Tell the chefs they’re fired if his ahi tuna steak isn’t perfectly medium rare, and for the love of God that broccoli raab better be at his table in the next 60 seconds or so help me I will gut you all! This is Christoph Waltz!
Chrisoph Waltz in not a man who waits! Ask him if he would prefer table 14, further from the restrooms! Ask him if the veal rigatoni was perfectly al dente! But don’t overwhelm him! He’s a talented and intelligent man who certainly wouldn’t appreciate having his high-level conversation interrupted by some waiter every two minutes! Now go! GO!
What?!?! He didn’t get his chocolate lava cake?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN ME?!? I’ll kill you for this! Turn around and bring Cristoph a complimentary cheese platter! If he walks out that door without feeling completely satisfied, you won’t even be able to find a job scrubbing dishes in this city!
Move! Move! Move! Christoph Waltz from “Inglorious Basterds” asked you for the check, so stop standing there and BRING IT TO HIM!!!
What’s that? You quit? Well you can’t quit because you’re fired! Get out of my kitchen! You, busboy! You’re promoted to house manager. Congratulations. Now go and thank Christoph for choosing Giovanni’s for dinner this evening!
And for Christ’s sake, somebody tell the valet to get Christoph Waltz’s BMW immediately! He’s a busy man and doesn’t have a second to waste waiting for people to figure out how to stick a goddamn key in the ignition!
He’s gone. I can’t believe I just served Christoph Waltz a meal. I’m really proud of all—-what? Who? No way. You’ve gotta be kidding me… Now Javier Bardem is in my restaurant too!?!
