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The Brown Noser

City Comptroller Announces Groundbreaking Plan To Find Out What His Job Is

Published Friday, February 4th, 2022

In a city-wide announcement issued Tuesday, Providence City Comptroller Aaron Greenley unveiled his groundbreaking plan to figure out what his job is.

“It’s high time that our city officials commit to some bureaucratic transparency,” said Greenley, promising to fulfill his comptrolling duties to the fullest as soon as he learns what that entails. “With that in mind, I’m putting together an elite task force that aims to identify exactly what my day-to-day tasks are and how I’m supposed to do them.”

Greenley’s is the latest in a series of municipal moves which aim to reinvest in Providence communities, provide stable educational and vocational opportunities, and make clear what words like “comptroller” mean.

“I know it has something to do with money, though it sounds a lot like ‘patrol,’ so maybe it also has to do with police,” Greenley continued, scribbling over a sketch of a computer-helicopter android. “Whatever the case, I will not rest until the people of Providence are properly served. Does anyone have a dictionary on hand?”

At press time, Providence officials launched a wide-ranging investigation into what a city clerk does.

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