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Sources report that the clammiest friend in one high school friend group has been getting super desperate for a high five.
“Up top, dude!” announced Matthew Quincy, proudly displaying a shiny palm for his friend to slap. “Come on! Gimme some!”
“I don’t know why they won’t just give me a high five,” said Quincy, removing his hands from his desk and leaving a wet hand print behind. “No one will do the group handshake with me. It’s a high five, side-to-side hand-slap, left hand shake, right hand shake, dap up, and then salute. It’s sick, but every time I go to do it, they say they just washed their hands or quickly pretend like their hands are full. I don’t get it.”
“I find that when I catch them off-guard in the hallways or in passing, I can sneak a high five because they don’t even think about it. But if I give them too long to think, they seem wary,” added Quincy, wiping his slippery fingers on his pants absentmindedly. “They act like I’m covered in dirt or something. Maybe I should start carrying hand sanitizer?”
At press time, your most shower-averse friend was greeting you with a “Bring it in, Big Guy!”
