Partly Cloudy, 64°
People these days will believe anything. Slop a layer of gooey sentimentality over a corporate garbage turd and everyone thinks it’s a rich chocolate mousse. In fact, just yesterday my aunt was telling me that—get this—she thinks that climate change is an actual scientific theory, not a flimsy excuse for the latest line of suit-approved Hallmark bullshit.
Wake up!
It’s really quite clever, when you think about it. Just imagine how much they can suck out of John and Jane Q. Public with this tasty little scam, with their mush about “greenhouse gases” and “irreversible atmospheric shifts.” You’ve got your condolence cards, your hurricane preparedness brochures, your letters to congressmen, and, of course, those climate change emails from 350.org that everyone prints out and sticks on the fridge. And stationary is just the beginning. Mark my words, in a few years we’ll have little Cabbage Patch Wind Farms and solar-powered G.I. Joes.
It’s all about feeding the beast, my friend. December, they’ve taken Jesus and turned him into a billion-dollar piggy bank. January has Martin Luther King Day. February has Valentine’s, Presidents’, and Leap Day, at least on the years when the greeting card conglomerates feel like it. And you think it’s a coincidence that every March we start hearing about the ice caps!? Pure mush. It would be funny were it not so grimly predictable.
“March of the Penguins” grossed over 26 billion dollars on its opening weekend alone. Think about it.
Let me lay it out for you real simple: Carbon. Deforestation. The Trilateral Commission. Weatherization, Tipper Gore, billions of dollars in sweetheart deals for land use surveys awarded to Bechtel Parsons Brinkerhoff, owned by one George Wilhelm Heimlich Soros. Nanotubes. You see?
Remember acid rain? A fiction, dreamt up by Hollywood scaremongers and the rain stick lobby. The millennial carbon monoxide freakout has the fingerprints of the perfume companies all over it. We can thank Messrs. Gates, Jobs and Zuckerberg for these so-called “strep tests.” It is a dumbshow and we are the clowns.
So please, my fellow men, I beg of you. Peddle your compact fluorescents and your “Inconvenient Truth” DVDs elsewhere. You’re only wasting the valuable time and energy of your overlords at Hallmark, Incorporated. Pigs.
