Wednesday, December 19, 2018
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The Brown Noser

‘Clue’ Enthusiast Finds Out Murder Mystery Not So Fun When It’s Your Aunt

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

Dwayne Mesa, local sales analyst and fervent fan of the board game Clue as well as the Clue media franchise, found out Saturday that murder mysteries aren’t so fun when the victim is your beloved Aunt Shirley.

“Well Clue is cool because you get to solve a mystery and it’s all over in an hour,” Mesa said, “But this is way longer and way more high stakes.”

Mesa also showed surprise at the lack of creative murder methods. “Any of the murder weapons from the board game would’ve been more interesting,” Mesa claimed, “even the rope! The guy just strangled her with his hands.”

Police have stated that the crime is unusual in what is generally a quiet neighborhood but that, contrary to Mesa’s claims, has nothing to do with blackmail, a secret inheritance, or an affair. Mesa has pursued some investigation of the murder, but has generally shown much less enthusiasm solving his aunt’s murder than he does solving Mr. Boddy’s murder.

“Usually you can figure out the killer by deduction about an hour into the game,” Mesa noted, “but it’s been two weeks and neither me nor the police have a motive! And I have a magnifying glass and everything!”

At press time, Mesa was connecting pictures with red yarn in his garage while holding a half-full cup of coffee.

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