Thursday, April 18, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Clumsy Freshman Gets Locked Out Of Campus

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Telling sources he ‘could’ve sworn he had his key,’ freshman Keaton Jefferson has reportedly gotten locked out of the Brown University campus. “This sucks even more because my laptop and notes are all in there,” says Jefferson, seen idly leaning against a stone wall outside one of several entrances to Brown’s 140 acre campus. “I yelled to see if anyone would let me in, but I guess everyone is off campus right now. I’ve thought of calling DPS, but I’d hate to inconvenience them. I bet this happens to a lot of people. It was just a matter of time before I’d get locked out, I guess.” At press time, Jefferson got tired of standing against the wall, and slid to a seated position on the College Hill sidewalk.

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