Reports from the local water bottle factory suggest that the collapsible water bottles they produce are actually just poorly-made regular water bottles.

“We use really cheap plastic. Like, it’s supposed to hold its shape, but it tends to just fall apart,” explained factory manager Robert Slavink, actively breaking off a piece of the water bottle mold. “There were so many complaints about how crappy our water bottles were. We just doubled down. Our water bottles no longer have terrible defects, just a cool new feature.”

At press time, a poorly-made collapsible water bottle could only be used like a regular water bottle.

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