Partly Cloudy, 64°
Calling it “the clear standout among literatures,” the University’s Comparative Literature Department declared English to be the best literature in an announcement Wednesday.
Speaking at a press junket in front of Marston Hall, Department Chair Mark Redfield praised English for its “nearly 1,500 years of consistent achievement” and for “the wealth of subject matters available within its corpus.”
“Not only does English literature include Earnest Hemingway, Shakespeare, and F. Scott Fitzgerald,” Redfield said. “It even includes Chaucer, sort of.”
Redfield said the department nearly chose Spanish literature for its inclusion of legendary writers such as Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Pablo Neruda, and Jorge Borges.
“But then a member of the department brought up an important point,” Redfield added. “You can read all those authors translated into English too, if you want.”
Redfield then called attention to a “pros and cons” list the Department compiled in regards to English Literature—although the Department criticized English literature for “not having the cool accent characters” other languages have, they listed its “big words” and “sheer resilience” as two points in English literature’s favor.
“Plus, it’s just the easiest to read by far,” Redfield added.
President Christina Paxson assured the University that the French, Hispanic and German Studies Departments would all continue to exist, albeit in a much smaller role from here on out.
“The takeaway from this announcement is not that other literatures are worthless,” Paxson said. “It’s just that English is worth a lot more.”
In related news, the Biology Department’s Comparative Anatomy program announced Tuesday that birds have the best anatomy.
