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The Brown Noser

Confused Freshman Still Waiting To Be Told It’s Bath Time

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

Six months into his first year at college, Nick McGhee ’20 is still waiting to be told that it’s bath time, sources report.

“The first few Sundays, which is my bath night at home, I hid under my bed so they wouldn’t find me to take me to the tub," McGhee told reporters, adding that he was so excited to be “getting away with it”. “But eventually I stopped hiding, and still no one came. No one has come at all. I’m starting to get pretty confused about the whole thing.”

“I know it’s easy for kids to slip through the cracks in college. Maybe they just left me off the list or something,” McGhee continued, claiming that he would totally understand, given how many undergraduates the administration probably had to tell to take a bath every week. “I sort of want to ask a professor, someone who would know better. But honestly I’m a little embarrassed. Way to spot a freshman, right?”

Lately, sources report McGhee has resorted to taking out his favorite bath toys and waiting in the hall outside the bathroom, a failsafe bath night ritual at home. Though McGhee’s hopes rose when his RA came out of her room with her bathrobe on last Sunday, he reportedly became confused again when she simply admonished him for being naked.

At press time, McGhee had poked his head into the shower, only to run immediately back out.

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