Oh my gosh, I just heard that you got accepted to do a Fulbright in Buenos Aires, congratulations! I’m so happy for you. You’re going to love it there. You know, I’ve actually spent a lot of time there, given that I’ve spent the last decade meticulously researching the historical, political, and migratory patterns of modern Argentina because, you know, I was really hoping to do a Fulbright in Buenos Aires. Just be careful—Argentinian drivers can be a little reckless, and I wouldn’t want you to stand in the street for 0.237 seconds too long and suddenly be struck by a black 2013 Honda CRV! That would just be tragic, even though I guess I would get to take your spot and do a Fulbright in Buenos Aires. But anyway, it’s great that you’re going to experience such a rich culture while also doing meaningful research. I assume you’re familiar with Eva Perón, right? Of course you are, why else would you have taken up such a valuable spot in a highly competitive program? Well, they say she died of cervical cancer, but word on the street is that it was tuberculosis. Be careful who you interact with—it would be such a shame if you somehow contracted TB twenty-two hours, 43 minutes, and 52 seconds into your trip. Anyway, keep me updated on this life-altering experience! I hope everything works out. And if it doesn’t, I’ll be sure to do you justice through my Fulbright in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

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