Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to word around campus, cool guy Mikey Blakeshack ’17 is always surfing to class.
“My morning doesn’t begin until Blakeshack surfs through the doors of lecture hall and rides a wave down to his seat of choice,” classmate Brooke David ’17 told reporters, adding that the room erupts in applause if Blakeshack decides to indulge his fans and splash the professor. “He waxes his board during exams, grinds on hallway staircase rails and surfs off the roof on the regular. No one’s ever seen Blakeshack without his surfboard leash attached to his ankle. He’s a legend.”
Students attempting to rip off Blakeshack’s signature style can be seen wearing a wetsuit and no shoes in the middle of winter, even though sources report that Blakeshack is the only guy who can pull off the look.
“Blakeshack makes me look like a fool, but I do admire his dedication to his craft,” said Professor McNeblin, the man Blakeshack epically humiliates every morning. “I’ve stopped prodding him to answer questions in class because he’ll just surf on the board, erasing the equations I’ve written, and get the entire class to leave the room. He’s certainly the most influential figure on campus.”
“I promise he’s a good man,” McNeblin added eagerly, expressing reasonable fear that Blakeshack would wreck him with a legendary splash in retribution for negative comments. “One time I saw him surf down the street and knock a freshman down with his board. He made sure she was okay and signed her forehead bruise, which I thought was a very generous gesture.”
At press time, Blakeshack could be seen surfing home from class by himself as classmates looked on and chanted his name.
