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In the wake of Russia’s illegal incursion into Crimea, the cops moved swiftly to bring to justice all involved. President Putin, Parliamentary leaders, and the entire higher command of the Russian Army were peacefully subdued and brought directly to prison.
“Invading Ukraine is a clear violation of the law,” said Sheriff Patty O’Brian. “We had no choice but to place everyone involved under arrest.”
Added O’Brian, “Everyone here is going to jail.”
International observers applauded the arrest. “Thank goodness we were able to quickly resolve this whole situation without bloodshed,” said United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. “I can’t imagine what would have happened if the cops hadn’t shown up.”
Said relieved Ukrainian Prime Minster Arseniy Yatsenyuk, “This is exactly why we have cops.”
The incident immediately called to mind the 2003 arrest of President Bush for the unauthorized invasion of Iraq, along with arrest of Bashar al-Assad for attacking his own citizens and the capture of President Obama for his blatantly illegal drone program. Al-Assad and the entire cabinets of both presidents are currently serving 12-year terms in a maximum security prison, thus deterring anyone else from violating international law ever again.
“Today, we have sent a clear message to the world’s leaders,” said Police Chief Jimmy Callahan. “You cannot simply invade countries and put civilian lives at risk whenever you want. It’s illegal.”
“If you do,” he added, “you will go to jail.”
