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The Brown Noser

Coroner Hoping Next Body Has Some Cool Stuff In It

Published Friday, April 19th, 2019

Gazing wistfully out his office window, County Coroner Dale McHenry was hoping that the next body he has to autopsy has some cool stuff in it.

“Tumors, blood clots, internal bleeding, they’re all well and good," reported McHenry, "But I wish these corpses would have some wackier things in them, like marbles or nails.”

McHenry described dreaming about opening up a cadaver and finding some bits of metal sticking out. “It would be awesome to get a guy who had swallowed a few keys or knives, maybe a coat hanger, or a railroad spike. Or imagine finding a sword in there? That would be sick.”

“Bullets are cool but kind of predictable," he continued. "I would love to pull out some spiders from the chest, big ones, that had spun some webs in there. Or a rat, with spiders in its chest. Just something to tell my kids about, you know?”

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