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The Brown Noser

Couple Could Really See Themselves Living In Crippling Debt In This House

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

Touring a house with their real estate agent, local couple Mark and Evelyn Abramovitz agreed they could really see themselves living in crippling debt in this place.

As they toured the master bedroom, Mark turned to Evelyn and remarked on how the house’s asking price was well within the range necessary to send the couple into a spiral of mortgage defaults and desperate attempts to refinance.

“I can picture it now,” Evelyn said as the couple looked at the kitchen. “Me, sitting in the breakfast nook, furiously trying to find the money to pay the next month’s bills. And you, leaning on the countertop, pouring yourself a fifth vodka tonic in the hopes of forgetting our horrible financial troubles, even if just for a few blessed hours.”

“I know this is all happening so fast, honey,” said Mark. “But I think you and I could be way over our heads in this place.”

Mark added that the neighborhood’s school district seemed like the perfect place to send a child whose college education the couple will be inevitably unable to afford.

At press time, the real estate agent was reminding the Abramovitz couple that there were several other couples vying for the chance to make a huge financial misstep in purchasing the home, and that they should think about making a ludicrously high offer to the house’s owners.

“Buying a house is an incredibly dangerous decision in this market,” he said. “You don’t want to let this opportunity to ruin your financial lives slip through your fingers.”

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