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The Brown Noser

Couple On First Date Can’t Believe How Compatible Their Coping Mechanisms Are

Published Friday, March 11th, 2016

Calling it an “unbelievable coincidence”, singles Jelani DiCantor and Alex Wilson expressed excitement at how compatible their coping mechanisms are, even after just one date.

DiCantor and Wilson decided to have dinner together after meeting on a dating application they both use to deflect insecurities about introducing themselves to strangers. Sources report the conversation has blossomed from there, ranging on topics from the pair’s shared need for constant emotional validation to their common pattern of isolating themselves from friendships once they begin seeing someone romantically.

“Okay, this is going to sound crazy,” DiCantor said, grabbing Wilson’s hands, “but I also avoid confrontation by pretending everything is fine even though I have a very specific grievance! I can’t believe we’re so similar.”

Wilson chuckled and agreed, saying he’d never expected to meet someone with whom he had so many personal issues in common.

“Okay, on the count of three, let’s both say why our last relationship ended,” said DiCantor. “One, two, three-”

“A need to constrict and control every aspect of my partner’s life!” said DiCantor and Wilson in unison.

The pair then looked around incredulously before staring deeply into each others’ eyes.

“Wow. We’ve only known each other for an evening, but I feel like I’ve been codependent with you my entire life,” Wilson said. “I think I could see myself settling down and starting a dysfunctional family with you some day.”

At press time, Wilson and DiCantor were leaving the restaurant to go back to DiCantor’s home, where they planned to find out more about their many shared sexual inadequacies.

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