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The Brown Noser

Course Shoppers Huddle For Warmth Outside In Pouring Rain As Professor Invites Registered Students Inside For Hot Cocoa And Seat Next To The Hearth

Published Friday, February 16th, 2024

According to a recent report, the “Fiction and the Unnarrative” course shoppers were seen huddling for warmth outside in the pouring rain as professor Green invited registered students inside for hot cocoa and a seat next to the hearth.

“It’s so good to see you all today! Make sure to close the door behind you. We don’t want to let the heat out or one of them in,” said Green, handing out quilts to the registered students present then emptying an enormous chamber pot onto the heads of the course shoppers crowded outside the door. “Ew. One of them just made eye contact with me.”

“I’m so happy we get to dive into the course today! Let’s go around and do names!” added Green, ladling piping hot beef stew into bowls for everyone in class and closing the windows in order to quiet the pained groans of the course shoppers outside. “Oh! And let's do a fun fact too!"

“Now that we’re 15 minutes in, I just want to pause and do a wellness check – is everyone feeling ok?” asked Green, adding another log to the wood furnace and sicking the dogs on any course shoppers who managed to pry open the door. “Let’s all take 3 deep breaths together before we start.”

At press time students who had satisfied the optional prerequisites were fanned with banana leaves as those who had requested an override code were swarmed by locusts.

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