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The Brown Noser

Courtroom Illustrator Clearly In Love With Judge

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

Propping his chin on his hand and fluttering his eyelids towards the judge’s podium, sources report that courtroom sketch artist Hanson Gordon is clearly in love with Judge Jacqueline Wickizer.

“At first it was small things,” said prosecutor Lacey Marlboro, gesturing to an early sketch from the trial that portrays Wickizer illuminated by a beam of heavenly light. “He would make her skin look flawless, make her robes purple because it brings out her eyes, stuff like that. It could’ve been chalked up to artistic choice. But now it’s clear that the guy’s just head-over-heels for Judge Wickizer.”

Gordon reportedly spends each day sighing loudly with a lovestruck grin on his face, using all the time he is not sketching to stare adoringly at Judge Wickizer, twirling his hair and imagining scenarios in which she declares her love for him.

“Soon enough he just started drawing hearts all around her,” continued Marlboro, adding that Gordon typically portrays the judge with Cupid’s arrow shot through her heart and a speech bubble which contains the judge’s profession of love for the enamored artist. “Last week he drew a detailed mock-up of what he thinks their wedding will look like instead of paying attention to the trial. And he covered the rest of the pages by writing ‘HG + JW’ over and over again.”

At press time, a love triangle emerged after the court stenographer started writing sonnets to Judge Wickizer instead of transcribing the trial.

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