Tuesday, September 25, 2018
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The Brown Noser

Creepy Couple’s Wedding Vows Really Hitting Home The “Till Death” Part

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

According to the many friends and family members who attended the wedding of Ben Smith and Shannon Lynch, the creepy couple’s wedding vows really hit home the “till death” thing.

“I am so happy, Ben, that we’re about to be bound together in this way,” Shannon reportedly said in her wedding vows, smiling as a single tear slid down her cheek. “A person’s wedding day is the most important moment of their life. Until their funeral, of course, and I’m counting down the days till mine. And yours.”

Sources report that the groom’s vows were even more heavyhanded.

“We’ll be partners through sickness and health and, eventually, death,” Ben said to begin his vows. “I feel so lucky, Shannon, that I get to bide the time until death with you. I’m so grateful that the rest of our lives will be spent watching each other slowly deteriorate—mentally and physically—until we’re gone for good.”

“And after that, we’ll rot away in neighboring graves for the rest of eternity,” he continued. “I’ve dreamed of this moment my entire life.”

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