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The Brown Noser

Crew Team Gonna Lose Their Shit When They Hear About Boats With Motors

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

Reports indicate that the Crew team is probably gonna lose their shit when they hear about boats that have motors.

“They’re going to go ballistic when they learn that all this rowing could have been avoided with something as simple as an outboard motor,” said David Harper, a local nautical expert. “It’s gonna be earth-shattering when they find out that, in fact, it is possible to move a boat with methods beyond brute manual exertion.”

“If they make the discovery, it could start a chain reaction,” Harper said. “Cross country runners might realize that cars and other transportation exist, or the fencing team could discover guns.”

“But as for the Crew team, all hell is going to break loose when they discover the speeds achievable from the invention of the motorized boat,” Harper continued. “This is going to completely reshape and revolutionize their world.”

At press time, the sailing team was one step ahead.

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