Partly Cloudy, 64°
This morning, officers from Brown’s Department of Public Safety were called to the Graduate Center Bar to investigate a Dean Zia-shaped hole in the wall.
“We’re not really sure what might have caused this,” said Officer Tim Jones, pointing to the wall whose missing chunk distinctly matched the outline of Rashid Zia, Dean of the College. “But we’ve got our best people on the case.”
“Anyone could be responsible, and the perpetrator is still at large,” added Jones, standing next to what appeared to be the outline of an administrator who must have concentrated in both English and Engineering. “Last night, witnesses heard a loud ‘YAHOOOO’ and then a crash, and no one really knows what happened.”
“We’re working with the available evidence,” continued Jones, gesturing at rubble which contained a pair of small, round glasses that must belong to someone who is both a product and champion of Brown’s Open Curriculum. “We will get to the bottom of this.”
At press time, a man resembling Dean Zia was spotted covered in plaster dust.
