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The Brown Noser

Dad Analyzing Doorbell Camera Footage Like It Latest Scorsese

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Reclined on the living room couch with iPhone in hand, local father Bill Nicholson is analyzing camera footage from his Ring Doorbell like it’s Martin Scorcese’s latest cinematic masterpiece.

“The characterization in this scene is truly incredible,” said Nicholson, slowing down the video to watch a small raccoon approach the front door as if it was a carefully choreographed long take from a Scorsese film. “The way that the raccoon searches for food in the darkness––vulnerable but still persistent––really speaks to the innate human desire for clarity and knowledge as we navigate a contemporary society plagued by chaos and unpredictability.”

Although Nicholson pays for multiple streaming services and cable television, he still prefers to pass the time by watching camera footage from his Ring Doorbell, meticulously rewinding and fast-forwarding the film to locate the most riveting moments from the previous 24 hours.

“The mailman is a magnificent recurring motif,” added Nicholson, praising the casting of the Ring Doorbell footage as if it was the latest Scorsese to hit independent cinemas across the nation. “He represents the excitement that still exists in the mundane, providing hope for an audience disillusioned by the humdrum of adulthood, especially if it’s one of the days that he delivers a package.”

At press time, Nicholson’s wife was analyzing texts from her carpool group chat like they were Shakespearean sonnets.

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