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The Brown Noser

Dad Turns Off Driving Directions Because He Knows How To Get Home From Here

Published Friday, February 4th, 2022

Sources report that local dad Larry Smit has turned off his driving directions because he knows how to get home from here.

“I know how to get home from here,” Smit proclaimed, a proud smile on his face because he knows the area so well and therefore knows how to get home from here. “From here you just take the first exit, turn left on Maple Road, turn right on Clearfield Avenue, go through that pesky stoplight, do a U-turn around the median, take the second exit, turn right on Maple Road, drive down the cul-de-sac, and then before you know it, home! I don’t need directions. I know how to get home from here.”

“I don’t trust those directions anyways,” continued Smit, confident that his knowledge of the area was superior to that of a highly-sophisticated map application developed by a billion-dollar company. “Sometimes the directions tell me to take South Street to get home. Not in a million years will I take South Street. I could listen to an entire Freakonomics podcast before the light on South Street turns green. The computer just doesn’t know this area like I do.”

At press time, Smit was refusing his wife’s help because he’s got it under control.

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