Sources report that area dad Dave Sullivan is two miles ahead of his family on a hike through the jaguar-infested jungles of the Amazon. “We’re burnin’ daylight. Better get a move on if we ever want to make it out of here by sundown,” said Sullivan, trekking toward the summit while leaving his family to fend for themselves in the jaguar-infested jungles. “Jeez Louise, if those slow pokes don’t catch up soon, they’ll be walkin’ home!” At press time, Sullivan was threatening to “pull this car over” on an icy mountain overpass.

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