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Though glad their father is spending less time on the couch, Mike Sampson’s two daughters expressed concern that his new hobby might be non-state terrorism.
“It’s good that he has something to do, and it’s cheaper than buying a boat,” said Sampson’s teenage daughter Cynthia, noting that her father has seemed happier since he started reading up on conspiracies and ordering mysterious mechanical components on the internet. “But I’m worried that he might be planning on carrying out a medium-scale terror attack and not just brewing pilsners or restoring an old car."
The girls’ father has reportedly been spending an hour and a half or so after work each day tinkering in the garage before he comes inside, always covered in some kind of grease or powder and ready with some new cryptic statement about the country’s future. The garage, once a communal family space, has essentially become off-limits to the girls, as Sampson doesn’t want his daughters or the world to see what he’s working on “until it’s ready.”
“We’ve got a fridge out there, and it sucks that we can’t use it just because he’s making a bomb or whatever,” said Cynthia. “I’d understand if he were painting a mural or starting a woodshop, but I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to figure out a way to maximize public fear without giving away his identity.”
Despite keeping most of his work secret, Sampson can’t seem to resist showing off some of his progress to his daughters, proudly demonstrating the first detonator he created by using it to set his younger daughter Julia’s dollhouse on fire.
Julia says she’s never seen her dad so invested in anything, and she’s glad some of that energy transfers into his interactions with her and her sister. “Sometimes my dad will take us to these political rallies where people yell really angrily about things like the government and the way things used to be. I like to be included, even if it means Dad is doing something that will get him executed or at least life in prison.”
Added Julia proudly, “He even asked me to look over his manifesto.”
As of press time, the FBI had updated its watchlist with the names of several more civil rights organizers.
