Sunday, December 8, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Dean Of The College Rashid Zia Materializes As Student Chants “Open Curriculum” Into Bathroom Mirror

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Freshman Jennifer Williams has reported a sighting of Dean Rashid Zia after she chanted “Open Curriculum” into an Archibald bathroom mirror. Legend has it that every year, on the anniversary of the Open Curriculum, Dean Zia can be summoned using this mysterious ritual.

“At first, nothing happened,” Williams said, lowering her voice and glancing over her shoulder. “I was about to leave when I heard the sound of bagpipes playing in the distance. First I saw his glasses in the mirror. And then… he appeared.”

According to Williams, Zia’s form slowly rasped several familiar phrases. “I couldn’t make out every word, but I definitely heard him say ‘I concentrated in Engineering… and English’ in between ‘Ever True’ and ‘In Deo Speramus.’”

At the time of the Dean Zia sighting, residents in nearby dorm rooms reported feeling sudden, overwhelming urges to take their education into their own hands. One particularly affected student began reciting the Magaziner-Maxwell Report out loud.

As Zia’s specter dissipated, three ominous letters appeared on the bathroom mirror’s surface: “S/NC.”

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