Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources close to Dean of the College Rashid Zia report that he is avidly crocheting a new crop top in time for its big debut at Spring Weekend.
“When I found out that girl Alexa was charging $85 on Depop for custom crochet shirts, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands,” stated Dean Zia, furiously weaving his crochet needle in and out of a multicolored aquamarine-violet halter top. “I marched myself down to Jo-Ann’s and got to work.”
“I might add a little ruffle, or maybe some lace trim down here at the bottom,” added Zia, painfully aware that his beginner crochet skills would make these stylish additions a formidable challenge. “Goddammit, Rashid, you’re just too ambitious.”
“Hmm, this part of the neckline is looking a little lopsided, but I think everyone will be too busy singing along to Remi Wolf to notice,” said Zia, hoping that his cute new top would be universally well received amongst the student body. “Just 17 more rows until I’m done, and then I’ll be ready to groove!”
At press time, Executive Vice President for Planning and Policy Russell Carey was preparing for Spring Weekend by frantically trying on all of the funky pants he had panic-ordered from Revolve.
