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Sources reported on Saturday that Cards Against Humanity player Rick Espinoza ’18 used “Rush Limbaugh’s Soft, Shitty Body” immediately after receiving it.
“It was funny the first time he played that card, like a year ago," said Kristen Park ‘17, adding that she can’t remember the card being played by anyone else. “‘Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s… Rush Limbaugh’s soft, shitty body.’ We laughed… the first time. Guess we shouldn’t have thrown him the bone then, huh.”
Fellow participants reported that Espinoza started the game with promising success, which quickly turned into abject desperation as his cards were repeatedly ignored.
“There are so many cards that are objectively way funnier,” said Mi Lee ‘19, citing cards like “Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog," “Dick Cheney," and “Being a motherfucking sorcerer" as stronger picks. "I don’t know why Rick insists on us thinking about Rush Limbaugh naked so much."
“It’s low-hanging fruit. There’s no way he’s proud of his actions,” Lee continued, pointing out the way Espinoza looked around the room anxiously when the grimacing Card Czar read his card. “Rush Limbaugh isn’t even funny anymore. That’s such a 2012 card.”
At press time, Espinoza was found once again forcing laughter at his own frantically-chosen, unrelated card and hoping that no one would realize that it was his.
