Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources report that high schooler Quinton Fraser is begging to know a Brown student’s admission stats as if that student’s last name isn’t 85 Waterman.
“How many AP classes did you take each year of high school?” Fraser fanatically asked Wyatt 85 Waterman, completely unaware he was speaking to a lineal descendant of the 85 Waterman bloodline. “Like would it hurt my chances of being admitted if I take AP Calculus AB and not BC? And what were your test scores, if you don’t mind me asking? Above or below the 99th percentile?”
“Also, if you can list every extracurricular activity you have been involved in since 7th grade and the weekly hourly time commitment of each, that would be so appreciated!” continued Fraser, oblivious to the fact that the student’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. 85 Waterman, literally paid millions of dollars to construct Brown’s environmental research building. “Like how many hours of community service do I need? And is it okay if I didn’t win best delegate at my school’s Model UN Conference?”
At press time, Wyatt 85 Waterman declined to share his admission stats but did emphasize the importance of grit, spirit, and hard work.
