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The Brown Noser

Dick Measuring Contest Starting To Get Abstract

Published Friday, September 26th, 2025

Witnesses of a local dick measuring contest stated that the contentious debate has become abstract.

“My penis is more just than yours!” exclaimed one competitor, asserting the inherent moral superiority of his flaccid member. “Your cock embodies lawlessness, with no regard for the rules of morality and ethics!”

“Your genitals are a slave to order!” retorted the other challenger, thrusting his hips toward his opponent menacingly. “My dick stands in defiance of your arbitrary standards. It represents liberty and the free will of mankind.”

At press time, the two dick measurers argued over whether the length of one’s dick referred to the longevity of its existence or the span of its influence.

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