Partly Cloudy, 64°
Reports confirmed on Tuesday that Mike Ottenberg, captain of the Brown crew team, was eating chicken in the dining hall like a lusty king. “More meat!” yelled Ottenberg as he slapped the backs of his fellow crewmates, who answered with brotherly guffaws. “His gluttony shone through his eyes,” said passerby Kara Debmin. “His plates were piled with chicken breast. Wet meat and grease dribbled from his mouth.”
Many said Ottenberg routinely gave mirthful laughs and immense belches between bites, wiping his mouth with a shirt sleeve. “I saw his red face, his hearty grin, and the way he gobbled his food like a feudal lord,” said Lucas Adams ’18. “I was reminded of those Bruegel paintings—-the ones of medieval celebrations where everyone is drunk and lecherous and full of joy. That’s how this man was.”
“When he got up to get more, I thought, ‘There’s no way a person could put more animal in their body,’” continued Debmin. “But he did. He came back and filled his gullet with soaked chicken—-bones and all!” After dinner, Ottenberg was reported to have fallen asleep on a pile of goose feathers and warm truffles, snoring so loudly the whole castle could hear.
