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The Brown Noser

Discussion Post So Well Written You Wouldn’t Know Their Dad Is A Donor

Published Friday, September 17th, 2021

After effectively conveying his point and meeting the standards routinely met by his classmates, sources report that sociology student David Beelman’s discussion post is so well written you wouldn’t even be able to tell that his dad is a donor.

“I read the whole post and never once made the connection between David Beelman from class and the Beelman Foreign Development and Resource Appreciation Building!” exclaimed one fellow classmate. “This is the first response he’s written that didn’t include a misplaced semicolon or use the first sentence to verbatim restate the question he was responding to.”

“It still hasn’t fully hit me,” explained another student, awestruck. “The paragraph was so thought-out, I never for a second even considered that David Beelman might be related to the founder of Beelman Cobalt Solutions.”

“It was nuts!” said another student, pointing out the consistent indentation of every paragraph. “I got all the way to the bottom without realizing David Beelman’s dad is that guy from the New York Times op-ed about expanding offshore drilling!”

At press time, Beelman made such an insightful comment in his First Year Seminar that you wouldn’t know his mom is on the Board of Trustees.

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