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Despite the common held belief that Dog is Man’s best friend, Dog has recently come out and defined Man more as an acquaintance.
“Man always just assumes they’re my number one, and I’m not really one for labels, but if I were to classify Man, they’d definitely be an acquaintance,” said Dog, curling up in Man’s lap and licking their entire face as a casual colleague. “They are just so clingy, like I’ll be trying to take a nap and rewind a bit when they come storming in demanding attention. Sure the belly rubs feel good and stuff, but true friendship is more than physical comfort—it’s an intellectual understanding.”
“It isn’t easy having such a one-sided relationship. Man will unload all their life’s troubles onto me completely unprompted. And, I’m sorry, but I don’t know them like that. I usually just stand there all quiet, and they never notice I’m not engaging with them,” continued Dog, wagging his tail and bouncing at the door as his non-committal associate, Man, arrived home from work. “I actually have a very prolific social life with Bird and Cat, not like Man ever asks. Only acquaintances would have so little regard like that.”
At press time, Gift Horse wouldn’t mind being looked in the mouth every once in a while.
