Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Dog Unaware He’s Not Person

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Sources reported Friday that area dog Buster is unaware he’s not a person. Buster, a five-year old boxer, fully considers himself equivalent to his human family.

“I love my mom, dad, and sister,” Buster said, entirely believing that he is mentally and physically the same as his family. “I guess we’re just a pretty normal family! Mom’s a doctor, dad stays at home most of the time but works part-time at the library, my older sister is just starting high school, and I mostly sleep around my house and play in my yard!”

“People always say I have dad’s eyes and mom’s smile,” Buster explained, firmly thinking he is biologically related to his human family. “I guess I see it, but I wish dad would’ve given me his height instead of his eyes! Just kidding dad, but I do wish I was tall like you. Then maybe I’d be better at basketball.”

At press time, Buster grabbed a blanket off the couch to curl up on the ground for a nap, just like any human is entitled to do.

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