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Dorm hominess at Perkins Hall 245 hit an all-time local high on Thursday afternoon following the residents’ purchase of a rug. While previously the room’s livability rated around “Heated Barracks,” the addition of the rug drove the grade up to “Shabby Apartment.”
While smaller spikes previously occurred after the playing of a board game, the folding of laundry and the brewing of tea, the jump in hominess generated by the rug eclipsed all preceding standards. Self-proclaimed hominess expert and peer-proclaimed why-did-you-proclaim-yourself-a-hominess-expert Olin Verkempt ’15 explained that, “We take a rug as a signifier of residence, in that it represents the presence of people qua people wanting to buy rugs. Q.E.D.”
The rug, which is a three by five feet rectangle and has a tasteful design of green and black stripes, provides benefits such as barefoot walkability, crumb disguise and aesthetic appeal. Adam Garner ’15 procured the rug from a local salesman after being intrigued by the low price.
“While it’s undeniable that [roommate] Victor [Short ‘15] and I lived in the room, it still didn’t feel like we lived in the room, you know? We were missing something,” said Garner. “And then I figured it out: our feet were touching the floor.”
Added Verkempt, “Touching the floor, metaphorically.”
Analysts disagree about what this will mean for the future coziness of Perkins 245. Mitchell Flanders ’15, who has devoted a large portion of his time to lounging about on the floor of the room, has deemed the rug “pretty comfy” and expressed hope that the rug is the first step on a broader path to increased hominess.
Next-door neighbor Jasmine Hutton ’15, on the other hand, wrote the rug off as a fluke. “I’m not ready to make any sweeping predictions. Sometimes a rug is just a rug, and I think that’s the situation here.” Garner posits that Hutton’s unforgiving interpretation is due to jealousy and perhaps a resentment over an unattended “dormwarming party" last September.
Hutton, who has spent upwards of $200 on various potpourris, still life paintings and throw pillows, denies the allegations.
Upon learning of the increase in hominess, residential counselor Ian Brady ’14 released a statement encouraging Garner and Short to share the hominess among their floormates by hosting a bridge night or dinner party. “This floor is a family, and families live in homes,” he wrote. “Together.”
Other, less-homily-fortunate residents have applauded Brady’s firm stance on the issue. Garth Norris ’15, who has still not unpacked his boxes, takes umbrage at room 245’s elevated hominess levels. “Just because some people don’t care about making their rooms look nice doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have to live in rooms that don’t look nice.”
Undeterred by naysayers, and looking to take full advantage of their recent success, Garner and Short have announced their adoption of a “surge” strategy and have purchased nineteen more rugs for their room. New hominess readings have not yet been taken, but confidence is high.
