Sunday, October 25, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Drinking Alone Rebranded As Learning Mixology

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

Stirring her third whiskey sour of the evening with a newly-purchased bar spoon, Grace Salgado has cleverly rebranded her new compulsion to drink alone at night as teaching herself mixology. “It’s really cool that I’m making a little space every day to pick up a new hobby in this crazy time,” said Salgado, slurring her words as she added a little bit of extra whiskey to the drink. “The news today can be so relentless, so it feels good to be able to drown all of that negativity out while doing something productive for myself." At press time, Salgado rebranded eating shredded cheese from the fridge at 3:00 AM as the start to a new keto diet.

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