Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources from the sky reported that drunk pilot Christopher Banks was actually really fun.
“Attention, this is… uhh… your captain speaking,” slurred the heavily inebriated Banks. “We’re about to see what this plane can really do.”
“Woohoo!” said Banks, flying the plane straight up for 45 seconds. “Hell fucking yeah!!!!”
“Okay, time to take suggestions from you all,” said Banks, wandering into the aisle to high-five passengers. “No, we’re not fucking going to New York.”
“Who wants UberEats? I’m gonna order like 50 pizzas,” said Banks while Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO crackled over the cabin speakers. “Do you think we could get a game of beer pong going over here?”
At press time, the Federal Aviation Administration really should chill out and crack open a few cold ones.
