Partly Cloudy, 64°
Smoke coiling behind him like a noxious cape of destruction, Morthak Vishtal, Chancellor-Elect of the sovereign continent of Kaitīg, announced that he was not ruling out any of his unbelievably vast range of options in order to keep things squalid and miserable for over 90% of the populous. He even speculated that if “all went according to plan,” things could decay further and faster than ever before during his reign.
“Work and you shall be recompensed,” said Vishtal in a speech that was met with knowing and appreciative smiles by the very few technocrat elites and whatever despondent wails the millions of Minerplebs could summon from their hungry bellies. “Work, or you shall die!”
Vishtal announced several new programs in the course of the hour-long address, including a new list of banned books featuring every single book, a confusing and poorly designed redistricting plan, and a mandatory drug regimen that would disable serotonin receptors, effectively eliminating his subjects’ ability to feel happiness. Each new initiative comes with the promise that it will be implemented unfairly and unevenly, such that it only affects those identified as potential threats to Kaitīg’s ruling class.
“I’m pleased to hear that Kaitīg will continue to develop an unimaginably large income disparity,” said Rishtak Polivar, dabbing a drop of champagne from his paisley ascot with a matching paisley handkerchief. “I was worried for just the briefest moment that he was going to announce a reasonable economic strategy.”
